


If Only He Knew...

by nursal1060



Series: Danganronpa Relationships [4]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst and Feels, Awkward Crush, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Soda Kazuichi, Bisexuality, Character Death, Class Trials, Closeted Character, Crushes, Desire, Despair Era (Dangan Ronpa), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fake Personality, Fantasizing, Grief/Mourning, Hinata Hajime & Soda Kazuichi Friendship, Hurt No Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jealousy, Longing, Love Triangles, M/M, Minor Sonia Nevermind/Tanaka Gundham, One-Sided Attraction, POV Alternating, POV Soda Kazuichi, Sad Ending, Secret Crush, Soda Kazuichi-Centric, Soda has a crush on gundham, Sondam - Freeform, Soudam Week 2019, Super Dangan Ronpa 2 Spoilers, Unrequited Crush, Whump, altered endings, facade - Freeform, poor soda kazuichi, sdr2 - Freeform, soudam - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 14:16:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20472407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nursal1060/pseuds/nursal1060
Summary: Kazuichi has learned to put on a facade so he won't get hurt. Someone breaks through that facade, and Kazuichi finds himself in love. Unfortunately, in Danganronpa, good things never last.





	If Only He Knew...

**Author's Note:**

> I've been craving making a Soudam fic for a long time. I've never written one, but since it's my birthday and I'm going back to school soon (RIP), I want to get some more danganronpa stuff up!
> 
> So here's trials 1-4 from Kazuichi's perspective as he finds himself in love with someone no one in the game could anticipate XD 
> 
> Did you enjoy the story? Do you have suggestions for more fics? Have ideas for other ships should I write??  
Leave comments and kudos below, I read them all! <3

Kazuichi Souda had learned to lie from childhood onward. Every time his father hit him, he learned better. He hid everything, his hobbies, his true attitude, and his sexuality from everyone. He concealed his emotions, put on a hyperactive positive personality, dyed his hair bright pink, and began to work towards becoming the Ultimate Mechanic.

Unfortunately, his facade was a little too good, and everyone at Jabberwock Island only saw a side of Kazuichi that he had perfected over years of abuse. They all thought he was a normal high school boy, and that he was interested in girls, loudmouthed, wore his heart on his sleeve, and was quick to judge. It was so easy to put on the mask at that point and Kazuichi thought he would never stop playing the part.

If only  _ he _ knew. If only the object of Kazuichi’s affection knew that he loved  _ him _ , and he was using jealousy as a way to get  _ his _ attention. 

Kazuichi was a closeted bisexual and realized that he had feelings for Ultimate Breeder, Gundham Tanaka, after the events of the first trial. Kazuichi had flirted with Sonia Nevermind during the first few days on the island to secure in his classmate’s minds that he was heterosexual. However, when his fake crush looked to someone else, so did Kazuichi. And he looked in the same direction.

Kazuichi both envied and was attracted to Gundham. He was traditionally masculine, but he was confident, quirky, thoughtful, and he brought smiles. He first laid eyes on Gundham properly when Sonia asked to see his “divas of destruction”, or his hamsters in private. Kazuichi was listening and watching in secret, and although wasn’t attracted to Sonia, his heart warmed when he saw how the hamsters and Gundham made her smile. Then he saw Gundham blushing and hiding behind his scarf, something that made him blush too! After a moment, Gundham smiled widely and leaned against Sonia, holding her hand. 

It was only then did the pink haired high schooler realize that he had fallen in love at first secret sight.

Gundham was dating Sonia from thereon, but that didn’t keep Kazuichi from complaining to Hajime and Fuyuhiko about the pair. His friends believed he was jealous of Gundham being with Sonia, but he was jealous of Sonia being with Gundham. 

She got to see his happy face, listen to his quirky language, and become his Queen of Darkness. On more than one occasion, Kazuichi thought about Gundham calling him his King of Darkness, or something of the sort. He held that feeling in his heart to remind himself not to give up on Gundham. It was a crush, but he wanted Gundham to be his. Even if it was only in his heart.

He got desperate. In between the next investigation and exploring the island, Kazuichi asked Sonia to spend time with him. Not to get to know her, because he wanted so badly to know what it was about her that Gundham cared for  _ so much _ . She turned him down every time for Gundham, but Kazuichi would occasionally listen in on their conversation, or ‘happen to walk on’ their dates. Their weird, strange natures helped them meld together in a way that Kazuichi knew he couldn’t, even if he dropped his constructed personality.

After the third trial, Kazuichi had walked in on the two kissing. Although he wasn’t dating Gundham, it was a blow to his heart. Kazuichi had to flee the scene, not caring if anyone saw; they’d think he was jealous of Gundham of course. He went back to his workshop and ranted to Hajime, who decided to spend the day with him in the garage, all day about how their relationship wasn’t right, and that each of them could do better. 

Once the group became stuck in the Funhouse, something in Kazuichi’s gut made him feel as though he should reach out to Gundham. It was Day 3 and everyone was free to hang out. Kazuichi, however, knew that Gundham already disliked him with his perceived crush on Sonia. He confided in Fuyuhiko, who was complaining of hunger but was also upset at Kazuichi for talking about such trial things. Kazuichi bickered with him, Hajime, and Nekomaru before struggling to sleep that night. He was determined to talk to Gundham that morning.

Of course, after being rudely awakened by the Strawberry House alarm clock ringing persistently and the constant fatigue from hunger, Kazuichi decided to wait until the Monokuma announcement that morning. Unfortunately, after Nekomaru was found destroyed, he had to focus on survival again. He held off on comforting his crush and classmates and tried to help Hajime investigate. He also got mad at Nagito several times for acting like a prick.

During the trial, not once did Kazuichi actually believe in his heart that Gundham was at all involved. It didn’t make sense, why would Gundham kill anyone? He raised animals and made for a cute boyfriend for god sake! Once Hajime accused his crush of being responsible, Kazuichi’s blood ran cold. While he continued to ask questions, his heart wasn’t in it anymore. 

Gundham had killed Nakomaru. He did it, as he claimed, for his will to survive and not starve to death. However, Sonia cried and said that he had to have done it because he didn’t want anyone else to die, and that he chose Nekomaru because he could no longer feel physical pain. Sonia had tears running down her face, something Kazuichi wished he could do. Instead, he bit his tongue, clenched his fists, and trembled. All his emotions came rushing through his body.

Then Gundham was executed right before their eyes. Sonia held the divas of destruction after Gundham passed on, telling them that she loved him and she would care for them. Kazuichi was inches from tears of his own. He watched Gundham get pierced in the chest and pass away. His crush. Someone he constantly wanted to tell that he loved. Someone that he had watched incessantly for weeks on the island.

And now that he made up his mind to talk to him, he was executed right in front of him. 

Kazuichi held his tears back until he got back to the dorms that night. Once everyone else had filed back to the dorms, Kazuichi sat by the poolside and silently cried his eyes out. He looked up at the moon and sobbed. 

He wouldn’t be able to tell Gundham the truth.

If only he knew...then Kazuichi wouldn’t be crying his heart out alone.


End file.
